Matters of Heart

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
01/11/2016 at 19:48 • Filed to: love lost, broken hearted, noncar

Hey Oppo I just really need to talk to someone, and I am not good about doing that in person, so I am going to talk to you guys. I hope you don’t mind.

NON CAR RELATED

So Oppo I have been having a really hard time lately. I recently became single and I am breaking apart at the seams. My boyfriend left me after 4 years of, well I wouldn’t say perfect, but I thought I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I have been struggling to put on a good face around work and friends, but that gets really had when I get home because we still live together. We are both trying to move out, but I really don’t want him out of my life. I really do love him and I have tried going out and seeing other people, but I just end up getting really sad that it isn’t him with me. Our lives had gotten a bit in a rut and I know we weren’t happy with where we both were in life. He blames himself for “ruining my life” and he blames me for breaking his heart. I didn’t mean to do anything to lose him, I think he just thought I was done and one day maybe I didn’t do enough to keep him and he got mad and left. I try going out with friends and I got a second job to fill my time, but it isn’t enough. I keep thinking about him, my mind and heart are broken. I can’t stop thinking that the world might be a better place without me, but I’m too cowardly to do anything about it. Well I don’t mean it that way. I mean I know it isn’t the right way to go about things, but it doesn’t stop the feelings of wanting to, you know? I just want him back, but I think of all the situations I could approach and all I see is utter hate and despair as he laughs in my face and tell me to “fuck off” and hopes I get hit by a bus. I hope none of you are bothered by this. I just always feel like breaking down and crying and I don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for listening/reading to me OPPO. *edit* Also i am trying to sell off my 928 I bought for him to drive around, but that never got to be a present :(. So if any one is looking I will happily do an Oppo !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

DISCUSSION (30)

Nauraushaun > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 19:54

Travel?

I’ve had all sorts of girl problems of a similar nature. It’s never gotten to the point yet where I’ve got nowhere to go, but I’ve often thought that if it did I’d go overseas. It gives you the distance you need without making any permanent changes like quitting your job or moving away permanently. Might be a good reset.

But I’ve never done it.

BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest. > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 19:56

I think you need to have a talk with him, understand what both of your intentions are, clear things up between the two of you.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Nauraushaun
01/11/2016 at 19:57

Yeah I have thought about that, but I have bills to pay and such. They don’t allow me to do such things.

CaptDale - is secretly British > BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest.
01/11/2016 at 19:58

Yeah, that would probably be a good thing to do. I just don’t think he’ll ever speak to me again. He is finally cordial enough to stop texting me really mean messages, but I think that is because he got a new phone and doesn’t want me to have the number. Either way, you’re right.

macanamera > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 19:59

Hey man (or girl, whatever), just hang in there. It'll only get better.

BJ > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:00

Breaking up is hard, no two ways about it. Standard advice: Keep active, get out with friends, stay busy, and get exercise.

Do you have a friend or family member you can stay with while you search for a new place? Staying in the same house with your ex isn’t healthy and will keep hurting.

Kinja'd!!!

CaptDale - is secretly British > macanamera
01/11/2016 at 20:01

Thanks.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:02

Clear the air between you two and then gather all close by Oppos and and we can go out to eat

Nauraushaun > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:03

It certainly isn’t practical for everyone unfortunately. Maybe a humble roadtrip interstate? Anything to get you out of your rut might help.

E92M3 > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:06

What did you do for him to “hate” you? Just be honest, and tell him how you really feel. Maybe he is just putting up a wall, or trying to prove whatever you did really hurt him, and he could walk away. Guys don’t always process emotions rationally.

If he still wants out after you’ve been honest, know that it does get better. I’m in the process of divorce myself. I spent 15 years with her, and we have a 5 yr old son together. The first few months were brutal. I just wanted to end it all. Slowly it does get easier though. You have to process the emotions. I spent a lot of time at work, and remodeling my house to get my mind off things. All I was really doing was pausing the processing of the emotions. You have to keep faith that sometimes you have to lose something, in preparation of something better.

Kinja'd!!!

CaptDale - is secretly British > BJ
01/11/2016 at 20:07

Unfortunately our living situation is weird and I don’t have anyone else to ask that I haven’t already. I am trying to do those things, but I can still see and hear him and it kills me.

Lovely 911, I need to sell my 928

CaptDale - is secretly British > Nauraushaun
01/11/2016 at 20:07

Yeah, that may be a good idea. My best friend is getting married in June in Wyoming, maybe I will drive out there

TheHondaBro > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:07

Anyone who can hold that much hate and resentment is worth none of your time. You just gotta open up your inner sass and forget about him.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
01/11/2016 at 20:08

I do love food :) Thanks

CaptDale - is secretly British > TheHondaBro
01/11/2016 at 20:08

Thanks.

CaptDale - is secretly British > E92M3
01/11/2016 at 20:09

Wow, that’s really good advice. Thank you so much. Seems like I really should talk to him.

Nauraushaun > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:15

I’m not sure you can wait that long!

Best of luck with everything. Being an adult is so hard sometimes.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Nauraushaun
01/11/2016 at 20:17

Yeah that is the problem I am having. I need to save for that trip, but I need to get out of here for a while...

TheHondaBro > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
01/11/2016 at 20:31

I vote Chinese!

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:49

Mexican? Italian? Chinese?

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > TheHondaBro
01/11/2016 at 20:49

Thai or Korean plz

Nauraushaun > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:51

I was hoping a road trip would be more within your means. If possible, you could visit a friend or family member who might be willing to lend you a room. I stayed with some family earlier this year , aside from the fuel it was a very cheap trip.

RallyWrench > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 20:54

I am so, so sorry. It sounds like quite an emotional rollercoaster, and having been through similar things in the past I sympathize.

I hope it’s not out of line to say so, but if on the one hand he blames himself for ruining your life, but on the other would simply dismiss (possibly rudely) any attempt you might make at reconciliation, maybe you’re better off moving on. There’s a pretty wide gap between those two feelings, you know? I don’t know how to bridge that emotional gap, and even if you two forced the relationship along, it probably wouldn’t make either of you happy if those feelings exist, and you shouldn’t have to beat yourself up like that.

If I had an extra room I’d offer it to you, just to get you out of the same house because that’s just salt in the wounds for you both, I’m sure. Maybe give him your best spiel about a future together, with no expectations of success. If he tells you to fuck off and get hit by a bus, he doesn’t deserve you. If he listens and gives it a shot again, or even says he needs to think about it, as a thoughtful person who loves you would in such a circumstance, great.

Love often sucks, and the road to happiness is often littered with broken hearts, sometimes your own, but you’ll get there. Please don’t do anything rash, and let’s get a beer sometime, or stop by the shop whenever you want. You’re not a bad dude, and you’ll come out of this stronger and more aware of what you’re after.

One positive note: You have a GTO. Its rear tires can be considered sacrificial in the pursuit of balance and truth. It is the way of things. Going for long, sometimes multi-day drives always helped me. Maybe think about driving up 1 or something to get lunch and clear your mind.

Kinja'd!!!

CaptDale - is secretly British > RallyWrench
01/11/2016 at 21:36

Thank you so much. I know what you mean. I need to take some vacation time if I have any left. You really are a good friend. I'll stop by and say hey and get that intake. I need to sell that shit and get going.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Nauraushaun
01/11/2016 at 21:37

That is a very good idea

CaptDale - is secretly British > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
01/11/2016 at 21:39

Either of those sound great!

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/11/2016 at 22:05

Oppos assemble!!!

CaptDale - is secretly British > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
01/12/2016 at 10:28

Just tell me when and where :)

RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire > CaptDale - is secretly British
01/13/2016 at 04:08

Find yourself. It sounds like you’ve spent a long time living for someone else. Figure out who you are and what you want to do for yourself.

CaptDale - is secretly British > RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire
01/15/2016 at 10:54

That is one thing I really need to do. Thank you.